Often writers who
are new to the craft panic at the long line of "he said" and
"she said" on their page. They
try it solve the problem by searching their thesaurus for synonyms for
"said" - shouted, explained, retorted, intoned, exclaimed etc.
I tried inserting
"said synonyms" into a passage from my book "Whiteout."
This is what it sounded like:
"I don't eat
meat," April explained.
Molly's eye's
widened. "None?" she questioned.April buttered a bun calmly. "Nope," she replied.
"Since when?" Robin shouted.
"For awhile. I thought I told you about it," she retorted.
"I guess I forgot," Robin muttered.
Sounds terrible,
right? Said is considered an invisible word. The reader doesn't notice it. But
the reader will notice all these other variations of said. They are distracting
and just plain annoying.
That doesn't mean
you should never use a synonym for said. But use said most of the time.
Especially watch
out for synonyms that are physically impossible - he laughed, he giggled, he smiled,
he grimaced. "I don't like
onions," he grimaced. "Come to my house," she smiled. Try it.
Hard to do, right? "Come to my house," she said with a smile works
much better.
Said is invisible,
but a long string of them can be monotonous. Use a beat of action instead. Back
to that passage from "Whiteout."
"I guess I
forgot." Robin stirred grated cheese into her steaming chili and watched
it melt. The action of Robin and her
chili tells us who is talking. You don't need "she said" as well.
When the dialogue
goes back and forth between two characters, it is often obvious who is talking
and you don't need anything.
"Dad?" Robin said.
"Yup.""Did these steaks come from one of Kim's family's cows?"
"Yes. What's the matter? You're not going over to the other side too, are you?"
"Never."
You can go along
like this for awhile, but it will read better if you stick in an occasional
beat of action. You never want your reader to have to stop and figure out who
is talking.
Another pitfall to
avoid: propping up your "saids" with adverbs. He said angrily,
she said wearily, they said enthusiastically etc.
The emotion should
be contained in the dialogue.
"I can't
believe you did that to me!" he said angrily. Angrily is unnecessary and
distracting.
The best way I
know to steer clear of these problems is to read your passage of dialogue out
loud. Even better, record it and play it back and listen to it. You will
naturally hear where to insert the beats, when you need to up the emotion in
your dialogue, how to eliminate the distracting words.
"It's fun to
read your dialogue out loud," the author said. "You can pretend
you're on the stage."
"I'm going to
try it." The reader reached for her manuscript.
"Good
luck!"
MY FAVOURITE
KIDS BOOK OF THE WEEK:
Pictures of
Hollis Woods by Patricia
Reilly Giff
Hollis Woods has
been in so many foster homes she can hardly remember them all. When Hollis is
sent to Josie, she’ll do everything in her power to make sure they stay
together. This is a Newberry Honor Book and has been made into a movie with
Sissy Spacek.
Hollis
Woods has been in so many foster homes she can hardly remember them all. When
Hollis is sent to Josie, she’ll do everything in her power to make sure they
stay together.