Wednesday, October 23, 2013

THE INVISIIBLE SAID


Often writers who are new to the craft panic at the long line of "he said" and "she said"  on their page. They try it solve the problem by searching their thesaurus for synonyms for "said" - shouted, explained, retorted, intoned, exclaimed etc.

I tried inserting "said synonyms" into a passage from my book "Whiteout." This is what it sounded like:

"I don't eat meat," April explained.
Molly's eye's widened. "None?" she questioned.
April buttered a bun calmly. "Nope," she replied.
"Since when?" Robin shouted.
"For awhile. I thought I told you about it," she retorted.
"I guess I forgot," Robin muttered.

Sounds terrible, right? Said is considered an invisible word. The reader doesn't notice it. But the reader will notice all these other variations of said. They are distracting and just plain annoying.

That doesn't mean you should never use a synonym for said. But use said most of the time.

Especially watch out for synonyms that are physically impossible - he laughed, he giggled, he smiled, he grimaced.  "I don't like onions," he grimaced. "Come to my house," she smiled. Try it. Hard to do, right? "Come to my house," she said with a smile works much better.

Said is invisible, but a long string of them can be monotonous. Use a beat of action instead. Back to that passage from "Whiteout."

"I guess I forgot." Robin stirred grated cheese into her steaming chili and watched it melt.  The action of Robin and her chili tells us who is talking. You don't need "she said" as well.

When the dialogue goes back and forth between two characters, it is often obvious who is talking and you don't need anything.

"Dad?" Robin said.
"Yup."
"Did these steaks come from one of Kim's family's cows?"
"Yes. What's the matter? You're not going over to the other side too, are you?"
"Never."

You can go along like this for awhile, but it will read better if you stick in an occasional beat of action. You never want your reader to have to stop and figure out who is talking.

Another pitfall to avoid: propping up your "saids" with adverbs. He said angrily, she said wearily, they said enthusiastically etc.

The emotion should be contained in the dialogue.

"I can't believe you did that to me!" he said angrily. Angrily is unnecessary and distracting.
 
The best way I know to steer clear of these problems is to read your passage of dialogue out loud. Even better, record it and play it back and listen to it. You will naturally hear where to insert the beats, when you need to up the emotion in your dialogue, how to eliminate the distracting words.

"It's fun to read your dialogue out loud," the author said. "You can pretend you're on the stage."
"I'm going to try it." The reader reached for her manuscript.
"Good luck!"


MY FAVOURITE KIDS BOOK OF THE WEEK:

Pictures of Hollis Woods by Patricia Reilly Giff

Hollis Woods has been in so many foster homes she can hardly remember them all. When Hollis is sent to Josie, she’ll do everything in her power to make sure they stay together. This is a Newberry Honor Book and has been made into a movie with Sissy Spacek.



 

 

Hollis Woods has been in so many foster homes she can hardly remember them all. When Hollis is sent to Josie, she’ll do everything in her power to make sure they stay together.



 

No comments:

Post a Comment